The day has just begun and i dont have much to do "oredi"; Oredi - that's how they call "already" in singlish; Singlish - that's what they call singaporean english :-). For a while there, i thought i would end up in an endless loop, one word leading to another and so on. Hey an afterthought, how does one "end up in an endless loop"??
Whatever, coming back to the point - By now it's an established fact or rather an accepted ritual of my 3 year old IT life; whenever i dont have much to do, in other words daily, i plan to go thru my project documents, study more of java, tutor myself in PL-SQL. I always start with these noble intentions but then I start getting hallucinations of a large "blue e" dancing in front my eyes. It just keeps on growing in size, if i still dont take action, it even attacks me from the sides. Now, i can see an ever growing blue e in front of my eyes as well i can see two more e's, one thru right corner of my eye and another thru the left corner, all approaching me and growing on me. This is the point where it starts getting on my nerves, i can see it that they have bloodshed on their mind if i dont bow. They are multiplying like Agent Smith from Matrix. It's a mismatch; they are growing in numbers as well size and i'm alone, with no weapon in hand, except for the mouse. Before it drives me crazy i usually take the way out, I click on show desktop icon and then double click on the blue "e", waiting there for me with a triumphant glint in it's eyes. The IE browser opens, i key in
http://www.cricinfo.com
click "ENTER"
It's only then, that the attackers decide to retreat with a look on their face that tells me "Better luck next time", I hope you dont end up saying that at the end of this blog :-P Thus, i open cricinfo.com this time around and start keeping track of the 3rd test match between India-Australia. For a change, India have their nose ahead in this one. I've already logged in google talk but it's only 9.30 in singapore, meaning 7.00 am in India and none of my friends are to be seen online so soon. Well, US is awake though and like all Indians i too happen to know someone who cherishes the American dream. I ping RJ with some hope - but no response from him. Maybe he's busy cooking, not food though, that would be very unlike RJ - he expertises in cooking people, giving them scenarios to think about and then making them feel mediocre when he comes up with the final revealation.
5 mins later...
RJ: hi
sorry, was away... u thr??
AB: yep - waitin for u, whr were u?
RJ: india's playing well - it seems...
AB: the umpire's are being fair, that's making the difference...
RJ: whatever...
AB: new status message? "LIFE EEZ HARD"?
RJ: i took it from that mentos ad - "bride trying to run away from the train and a worker feels it's an accident, so he pulls her back in the train and then the cartoon says - "Thankyou toh bolo ji!!" :-P
AB: i know, funny ad... but what's that line doing here??
RJ: Abey, this new punjabi chick Archana was slated to come in my team. For last whole month, we have been speculating about her, all expectations touching sky high. we also had a pact amongst us that we wont straightaway start talking dirty abt her... u see everyone is in the "shaadi ka umar" zone... so we all wanted to try our luck first.
cut to today - in comes this chick(??) only 39 years of age... all plump - my guess is 70 kg++ :-(
SIGH... - "LIFE EEZ HARD"
AB: chyayla POPAT... my condolences!! :-P
RJ: u say - how's your break-off coming??
AB: okie-dokie... learning to live with it... know what - break off helps!!
RJ: sarcastic??
AB: no - i mean it... break off helps in losing weight, both of your hips and your mind ;-)
RJ: Ohho - looks like u r out of it :-)
welcome back...
Abey tell me one thing - does gmail have eyes??
AB: I've read that they sniff your mails so as to post appropriate ads when you open it.
why??
RJ: no no - i mean it has real eyes...
AB: ??
RJ: how else could you explain the innumerous spam mails that i get, asking me to increase the size of my pe*is??
how did they know of it?? it certainly must have eyes ;-)
AB: hehehe - i once actually clicked on one of the links they provide in such mails
just out of curiosity ok!! - dont misunderstand ;-)
RJ: sod na - zakli muth sawwa lakhachi ;-)
AB: :-P
RJ: ok here's a question for you -
you have one thing that too in large quantity, it's valuable - very valuable
AB: are u still on the earlier topic?? one valuable thing, large quantity (size) :-P
RJ: No - serious... scenario...
As mentioned earlier, he has this habit of giving scenarios and asking your opinions on this or that. And at the end of it all, you are left to eat your own words. But then i didn't have much to do either.
AB: ohh - sorry go on...
RJ: ok - so u have this thing, very valuable, in large quantity, you are selling it every day, you have got good reserves too and u r getting rich day by day... u r getting so rich that u can get everything u want and some things u couldn't have ever imagined of...
AB: wait lemme think - what wud i want?? u mean i can get back my lost-love as well?? :0
RJ: abey - think big man think big. u cud get anything ranging from a ferrari to katrina!!
hey now that we are on the topic - tell me?? during this break off and all, did suicide occur to you as an option?
AB: not really - suicide and sacrifice is so old fashioned yaar - never heard of it since late 80's.
Even bollywood gave it up post Kamal hassan (ek duje ke liye) or maybe amir khan (qsqt)... never heard of it since then...
haan but i did consider murder for some time...
RJ: cool, what stopped you?
AB: that trend is also over now - the last sensible(??) person to kill on-screen for love was shahrukh (dar, anjaam)
never heard of that one either since early 90's, so eventually dropped it...
RJ: ok - i understand... :-P
AB: back to the scenario - since u said Katrina, i wanna hear more :-D
RJ: yeah! u r getting so rich that u can get everything u want and some things u couldn't have ever imagined of...
NOW here's the question - will u stop selling that thing or try to control what quantity u sell....or u will keep on increasing the quantity.....will u be conservative at this point???
AB: is that "thing" of yours getting scarce??
RJ: not quite - u know u can find more, u have sufficient...
AB: then i wont stop probably; but might start donation, charity and all; Bill-wa style ;-)
RJ: F**k u!!
think as an economist...
dont think from ur heart; there is HUGE demand for that thing. Let me put it this way -
will u want to be more rich at that moment or be sufficiently rich for a longer time period?? coz u dont know how much of that thing you have but for sure, you can find some more now...
AB: i shall keep selling...
I know all this sounds too odd/crazy. But knowing RJ, certainly something interesting is in store ahead. So i usually play along and become his bunny.
RJ: OK - another twist
AB: ??
RJ: others need it badly and they want u to sell more and more, they might even lure u by paying more.
in future might pressurize u too... now what will u do??
AB: is it legal?? or something like drugs/immoral??
RJ: it's legal; see consider this - u are stinkily rich currently, do u want to be more greedy or do u want to be conservative and let the other person get a bit angry?
AB: as of now my answer is - i will go for more money...
RJ: try this - u have 100 girls, all beautiful. now, will u want 150??
AB: NO - i'm not a greedy person, i'll manage with 100 girls only :-P. But, money and girls is different boss...
RJ: i know, i'm just telling you the lifestyle b'coz of that money.
all right - round 1 is over - now move ahead into the shoes of the other person...
one who's buying it, you need it desperately. Infact many like you need it. You are strong and you need it to be more strong. It's a vicious circle - the more you get the more you need it. If the supply reduces, you go mad. It's like drugs but not drugs.
AB: why dont u ask me the real question straightaway instead of this analogy??
RJ: naah - u answer me... i want to know what others think...
What the F**k?? I'm dead sure, this guy belongs to that species, which is more into foreplay than actual sex. I mean why beat around the bush, come to the point straight away. But no, he'll be the last one to do so and alas! i'll be the last one to give up on this chat :-(
AB: fine - go ahead..
RJ: how will you try to convince the first person to sell more? u are currently thinking that - does he have more or is he just not selling more?? bol na plz - just this one...
AB: Ok, if i'm really desperate; i'll try convincing him emotionally - how and why i need it.
RJ: he doesn't agree - then?
AB: then maybe i'll revolt against him (u said i'm also very strong rite??)
RJ: use of force??
AB: maybe..
RJ: ok - thanks.. i can make it more complicated but your day is just beginning - i dont want to be the cause of ur foul mood :-P
AB: and i dont want to be the cause of your death - so better go ahead :-D
RJ: ok - here i go..
uptil now we had 2 persons - 1. who owns that thing - very rich, 2. who needs that thing - very powerful and rich... and now i introduce the 3rd - one of many many more who use that thing - ordinary, simple, not powerful
just that u haven't been using it too much - not too addicted but surely you are fascinated. u know it'll make your life easy - also u r aware of whole issue between 1 and 2...
Will u be conservative, thinking that it's your moral responsibility to use less of that thing or will u instead say - others are using...i dont give a damn - now think it's you
AB: ok try this -
1. take a piece of cloth, dip it in cold water.
2. lie down, put the the wet cloth on your forehead and close your eyes.
3. if this doesn't help, try counting in reverse order from 100 to 1.
Mind you, all this while your eyes should be closed. The goal here is, to put you to sleep before your case goes
out of hands.
RJ: :-) bol na - take ur personality characteristics into consideration..
AB: well - i would go down on the usage, will try to control.
RJ: see - u r just one of those millions consuming, u have other worries apart from that?? ur family's life will be easy. maybe ur girlfriend likes something which needs "that thing" we are talking about. It's integral to ur life..
AB: still i wud try to go down on consumption. first myself and then bring down family's needs.
RJ: will u get jealous if ur friend has that thing for his girlfriend which needs the IMP thing we are talking about?
AB: NO! might try to make girlfriend see all the problems and convince her not to expect it.
RJ: Ok now here's the REAL question -
Will u buy a CAR in ur future??
Car is one of those things which will make ur GF happy...family happy!!
AB: ......
RJ: I'm talking about oil
Person 1 - Saudi Arabia
Person 2 - America
Person 3 - Ordinary man from India - YOU
So, tell me - will you buy a car, which runs on petrol??
Bull shit!! I should have seen it coming. This is what always happens. I eventually end up with my foot in my mouth. All this while i was telling him that I wont buy a car??? Naay-No-Never... Time to eat all my words.
AB: BURP!! (dhekar)
RJ: ???
AB: I just ate all my words, so my stomach is full :-)
RJ: :-) Means you'll buy it - rite?? dont worry it's normal, even i'll do the same.
AB: why this topic all of a sudden??
RJ: I read about Nano being launched. was wondering that India's dependency on oil will go very high. The car is indeed good but i'm skeptical about it's effect on India. Parking, roads, environment, oil etc etc
What's your take on nano??
AB: The name says it NA-NO :-)
I once had a dream - i'm at a signal in Pune, there is traffic all around. No one is moving an inch, no place to move at all, everyone is stuck. A JAM in real sense. I guess, NANO will make my dream come true :-)
RJ: Hope all your dreams (excluding this one) come true.
AB: AMEN!
RJ: AMEN!
Enough is enough - I cannot write anything further. Whoever reaches till here, please forgive me for having written this blog. Shall think twice before i write anything else ever again. PROMISE
You can go ahead and murder me in the comments section for this but please remember this might be your only chance to play GOD - after all, To err is Human but to forgive is Divine.
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16 comments:
AB guru -
gmail has eyes :P kahihi...bhannat ekdum...
good blog..awadla...nicely done....serious thought coated with ur style of sweet humor....khush jhalo
had a nice laugh after a long time....
this was like watching a pondie :)...only difference is the blood went to the right place...makes u think...the convo between u and RJ was interesting too....
just one suggestion....can you ask ur fans to leave their TRUE answers in the comments..."will u buy a car"? just to see how many lie ;)
ur tru ctitic
andhablogger (current mood - vanilla happy)
Hi...another good work..keep going..i can say that u hv unique style of writing..i liked it..anywys here RJ should nt be a normal at the end..it would have been great if RJ has left questions answered..coz thats the RJ..anyways i m waiting for youe next blog...
Good one dude....
It makes lots of like me to feel better of not owning a car :D
After all we are working on something for the betterment of the society.
We should be given credit and recoginition for this noble cause, infact you should be given a Noble Prize under social service category for bringing this issue outfront ;)
Tatas must be behind you till now so better hire a James Bond for your security. You can also ask for Singapore Govt for Z security on the basis of threat from International Car Selling Association.
Another good option is to use this idea and sell it to all High Segment Car Companies in India to fight against Tatas.
You are soon going to be on the front cover of Times Magazine. I can bet soon you will be getting theratning calls from:
1. Tatas for compaining against Nano
2. Saudi for not letting them selling thier Oil
3. Exposing crude Oil policy of America
Best of luck ;)
and here you go ..
excellent article ..
I am ur fan now :)
Though I have a dream to buy one car I might not buy at least not the pretrol one
@andhablogger : "this was like waatching a pondie :)...only difference is the blood went to the right place...." LOL - ROFL... man the comment is way better than any wise-crack in the blog - luv'd ur comment - i mean it, not returning the favour.
ALAS! one day i shall have fans and they shall listen to what i say...
@ganesh : "anyways i m waiting for your next blog..." u shud refrain from making such comments publicly - people might held you responsible for their torture and thus ur life may be at risk...
abt RJ - i shall discuss with him if he's willing to change as per ur suggestion :P
@anonymous : with friends like you behind me i dont need any James Bond. aap ki duwayein kaafi hai!! anyways thnx for sparing some time and thought :-)
abhya's first blog that i read till end..not coz i left the previous ones in the middle, but because this is only one he Fwed me till end....
Coming back to what he really wants....My Comments :D.....
Lai avadala....1 numberrr...It was full of humour....and the main thing is that the very serious and important message given in quite comic way... i had never seen to the Nano from this angle...wont but it now(tashihi mala tichi garaj nahi :P)....
I liked the writting estyle...
hoping for more stuff like this....
@hemant & @vaibhav : baaassss - don satarkarana ekatra reply dena mhanje alabhya labh :-)
tyaat to hi doghani positive comment dilyawar mhanje tar agdich - chit bhi meri ani pat bhi :-)
Thanks for visiting - hope u come back...
u have good style!
the title carries meaning.
its really something about nothing.
but i would say it lacks content.
HI BHEL HOTI, CHATPATIT. PAN POT NAHI BHARAT.
you have got good tools; Sense of humor, good word control. When you will get real matter, it will be a very nice dish.
~Sachin S. Thakare
simply gr8..
something different.
let me ask one quest..
wen u r going 2 post ur next blog..
@Sachin : Thank God! at last, i found someone who spoke about the title as well... before 2 days, this article was not what it is now. i re-worked it - added few lines, deleted few and also changed the title and ending and then published it. no one seemed to notice the title - thanks for doing it... pudhchya weli mejwani cha bet thewto tevha ya nakki jewayla!!
thanks for visiting and sparing ur time
@Suresh : i'm very confused as to which suresh u are; do we know each other? not that it matters as long as u praise the article. haan, had u dared to snub it then i wud have certainly wanted to know ur whereabouts :-)
anyways - thnx a lot for ur comment. I shall be posting as soon as i write something that i feel wud be worth ur time... hope u dont mind checking the space again in couple of weeks time :)
Gr8 article.....please keep it up.
My curiosity was went on increasing while reading the article upto the point where RJ told what "that thing" is......but after his answer to "that thing" i immediately feel naaaa.....is se bahut kuch accha answer ho sakata tha.........OR Ganesh has highlighted ki RJ should left the question unanswered.......
But really waiting for next one.....
interesting discussion !! particularly I liked the way it was described before answer was given !!
The problem of large number of vehicles and its resulting into traffic congestion, pollution etc is really serious.
We really need to rethink on what we call development and prestigious objects !!!
@prasad : as told earlier, had i left it unanswered i cudn't have made the point which i made at the end. anyways - if i dare to write again then i shall certainly have this in mind. thanx for the visit
@pinakin : truly agree with you. aap aaye bahar aayi :-)
hey abhi ... i m reading ur blog from day 1 ... since then it has different flavours .... now its ln the same track of 5 point someone...
expecting again some new flavours .... wish u success...
I feel like God...
I forgive thee, for thy know not what thou do.....
:)
Salya samor astas na tar lai marala asata....
full tooo old bollywood style.... sagal dakhvayach... porga, porgi, bedroom, kaadhlele kapade, ani main point la gulabach ful nahi tar painting dakhvayacha ani popat karayacha.....
anyways.. was very impressed with the way u hv kept the curiosity growing in blog.... gud 1...
U really feel like reading it till end.....
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