Nakki!! (For sure)

Nakki!! was what his parents said to him, when he proposed for his 14th birthday gift. The choice had been simple, his role model and favorite sportstar was going to play in the match at Nehru Stadium Pune. An entry ticket to that match, was all that he wished for. His parents owed him a gift this time, as they had not been able to afford one last year. His dad had an off on Tuesday and the match was scheduled for Tuesday as well. He could have easily bunked the school with an excuse of acute coryza/mononucleosis/non-acid dyspepsia/viral infection or whatever crap Dr. Mirajkar would come up with, in his medical certificate. This young doctor, he always thought, was very different from the rest. To start with, he never used an injection, handed over a medical certificate generously, didn't charge his parents much and employed a pretty nurse, who happened to be the boy's first female confidante. The boy still remembered how impressed he was, when he had read the first medical certificate that the doc had written for him. "To whomsoever it may concern" wow! what a start, he had said to himself. He had seen so many leave notes, all starting with "Respected Sir/Madam" but it was the first time he was seeing a medical certificate; something that did not start with an artificial respect to his teachers and yet the only thing, that none of his teachers could challenge. The medical certificate commanded respect as against his teachers who demanded it. The doc also knew, of the boy's love for his favorite sportstar and would have willingly played along.

The boy's joy knew no bounds once his dad sent 160/- Rs to the boy's elder cousin who studied in Pune and asked him to get 2 tickets for the match. His parents warned him against revealing the news to anyone in the vicinity. But boys will be boys; while cycling home after the Math's tuition at Purandare Madam's house, the boy just couldn't keep the joy to himself. Being Monday, it was a pani-puri day. The boy had paid last week, so it was his friend, Chinmay's turn to pay this week. They ordered for 1 plate pani-puri.
"Paani pura bhar ke dena bhaiyya, aur ek teekhi fir ek meethi aisa dena" came the instruction as it came every week. The bhaiya nodded knowingly and obliged. After finishing the first plate, staring at the rest of the crowd who had come out of the tuition and were walking back home, the boy offered to Chinmay.
"How about one more plate? I'll pay."
"Why? What about next monday then?"
"Next monday, i'll go to Pune after school. Won't be coming to tution as well."
"Why?"
"I cannot tell you, it's a secret"
"Is it your family secret??"
"No - about me."
"Then you have to tell me, even i told you my secret last month. I never told it to anyone else."
"Mine is not a secret as such, everyone will know of it once it is done. I'll make sure that everyone knows of it"
"Then?? why cant i know it now"
"My parents said not to tell"
"You are lying now, u already said it's not family secret"
"Alright, i'll tell you but swear first that you will not tell anyone"
"Ok... God promise, mother promise"
"No, Say it complete that you'll not tell anyone"
"God promise, mother promise I'll not tell anyone"
"I'm going to the match next Tuesday in Pune"
"Nooo... You are lying now."
"I'm not"
"Take promise"
"I swear it, God Promise! I'm going to the match"
"Really??"
"Yes!"
"Great yaar, with whom??"
"My father, he has already called my brother and asked him to get tickets"
"Is it costly??"
"We are taking the cheapest ones, 160/- for two"
"Even i'll ask my parents but they will never agree, I know"
"My parents are giving this as a birthday gift, i wont be getting anything else"
"Lucky yaar!!"

That night and every night after that, the boy slept wondering, if he would get a real chance to see his hero closely. He had always cherished the dream of seeing his superstar, real life superman, in body and flesh. He knew, what he was going to dream tonight, it was the same dream that he had seen over and over again and again, of watching the master score a century for him. He sometimes feared that his hero might falter on Tuesday but prayed with all his conscience that it would not happen so.
D day arrived soon. The boy and his father had secured their seats in the stadium, not seats really, Cement steps which were covered with a pandol like structure. They could watch the match only from a certain distance. Getting close to the fence involved lots of effort, right from fending off the competition of co-spectators to watch the stars closely, to risking a lathi charge from the patrolling policemen for having broken the rules. But today the boy had made a decision of pushing his luck as far as possible. He kept on searching for his hero, it was just a matter of when now, as the teams were preparing to come out. The moment arrived soon - the boy saw HIM, amidst the hurdle of his teammates, drinking juice from a bottle with throat glugging gulps. Excitedly, he pointed him out to his father. His father wasn't actually a cricket fan. Nevertheless, he too was extremely contented on having seen so much joy and satisfaction on his son's face.
He prayed with all his heart that his hero fielded somewhere close to where the boy was sitting. It was a long long wait before Sachin Tendulkar was asked to field along the square leg boundary in the 44th over. As soon as he reached the position, the boy joined the crowd of hundreds of people who ran towards the fence to take a closer look. After pushing and shoving hard, the 14 year old made it to the frontline of the crowd. He let out a loud shout of "Sachin", so did many others with him. The boy again let out a cry of "Sachin" and again many others followed suit. The same continued for some time, it was on the 8th occasion of collective shouting that Sachin turned towards the crowd and gave them a smile and a small nod of the head. And in that nod, for one infinitesimally small second the boy had Sachin looking to him eye to eye. That mili-second of eye-contact made all the efforts of the boy worth the moment. All the fatigue that he had had from shouting, pushing and standing in the sun simply disappeared in thin air. It was in that very second that he told Sachin to play well for him today and he took Sachin's nod as an yes - Nakki!!

He came back to his dad saying - "Sachin, will play well today! For sure!"

Later in the day when India batted Sachin crafted a well made 79 off 86 balls. And the boy watched the performance as if it was his own private screening. He was very contented with the feeling that Sachin lived upto his promise and made a promise to himself to be on Sachin's side and support him - may what come !!

And today, when I see Sachin being beaten on two consecutive deliveries by Bret Lee's pace and look upto my roommate who's glued to the TV screen and say "Aaj kahi khara nahi Sachin cha" - he just turns to me looks me in my eyes and says "Nahi re, he will play well - Nakki!!"

Sachin seems to have taken his cue and hits a spanking square cut and i end up saying "yeah Nakki!"

something about nothing!!

The day has just begun and i dont have much to do "oredi"; Oredi - that's how they call "already" in singlish; Singlish - that's what they call singaporean english :-). For a while there, i thought i would end up in an endless loop, one word leading to another and so on. Hey an afterthought, how does one "end up in an endless loop"??
Whatever, coming back to the point - By now it's an established fact or rather an accepted ritual of my 3 year old IT life; whenever i dont have much to do, in other words daily, i plan to go thru my project documents, study more of java, tutor myself in PL-SQL. I always start with these noble intentions but then I start getting hallucinations of a large "blue e" dancing in front my eyes. It just keeps on growing in size, if i still dont take action, it even attacks me from the sides. Now, i can see an ever growing blue e in front of my eyes as well i can see two more e's, one thru right corner of my eye and another thru the left corner, all approaching me and growing on me. This is the point where it starts getting on my nerves, i can see it that they have bloodshed on their mind if i dont bow. They are multiplying like Agent Smith from Matrix. It's a mismatch; they are growing in numbers as well size and i'm alone, with no weapon in hand, except for the mouse. Before it drives me crazy i usually take the way out, I click on show desktop icon and then double click on the blue "e", waiting there for me with a triumphant glint in it's eyes. The IE browser opens, i key in

http://www.cricinfo.com

click "ENTER"

It's only then, that the attackers decide to retreat with a look on their face that tells me "Better luck next time", I hope you dont end up saying that at the end of this blog :-P Thus, i open cricinfo.com this time around and start keeping track of the 3rd test match between India-Australia. For a change, India have their nose ahead in this one. I've already logged in google talk but it's only 9.30 in singapore, meaning 7.00 am in India and none of my friends are to be seen online so soon. Well, US is awake though and like all Indians i too happen to know someone who cherishes the American dream. I ping RJ with some hope - but no response from him. Maybe he's busy cooking, not food though, that would be very unlike RJ - he expertises in cooking people, giving them scenarios to think about and then making them feel mediocre when he comes up with the final revealation.

5 mins later...

RJ: hi
sorry, was away... u thr??

AB: yep - waitin for u, whr were u?

RJ: india's playing well - it seems...

AB: the umpire's are being fair, that's making the difference...

RJ: whatever...

AB: new status message? "LIFE EEZ HARD"?

RJ: i took it from that mentos ad - "bride trying to run away from the train and a worker feels it's an accident, so he pulls her back in the train and then the cartoon says - "Thankyou toh bolo ji!!" :-P

AB: i know, funny ad... but what's that line doing here??

RJ: Abey, this new punjabi chick Archana was slated to come in my team. For last whole month, we have been speculating about her, all expectations touching sky high. we also had a pact amongst us that we wont straightaway start talking dirty abt her... u see everyone is in the "shaadi ka umar" zone... so we all wanted to try our luck first.
cut to today - in comes this chick(??) only 39 years of age... all plump - my guess is 70 kg++ :-(
SIGH... - "LIFE EEZ HARD"

AB: chyayla POPAT... my condolences!! :-P

RJ: u say - how's your break-off coming??

AB: okie-dokie... learning to live with it... know what - break off helps!!

RJ: sarcastic??

AB: no - i mean it... break off helps in losing weight, both of your hips and your mind ;-)

RJ: Ohho - looks like u r out of it :-)
welcome back...
Abey tell me one thing - does gmail have eyes??

AB: I've read that they sniff your mails so as to post appropriate ads when you open it.
why??

RJ: no no - i mean it has real eyes...

AB: ??

RJ: how else could you explain the innumerous spam mails that i get, asking me to increase the size of my pe*is??
how did they know of it?? it certainly must have eyes ;-)

AB: hehehe - i once actually clicked on one of the links they provide in such mails
just out of curiosity ok!! - dont misunderstand ;-)

RJ: sod na - zakli muth sawwa lakhachi ;-)

AB: :-P

RJ: ok here's a question for you -
you have one thing that too in large quantity, it's valuable - very valuable

AB: are u still on the earlier topic?? one valuable thing, large quantity (size) :-P

RJ: No - serious... scenario...

As mentioned earlier, he has this habit of giving scenarios and asking your opinions on this or that. And at the end of it all, you are left to eat your own words. But then i didn't have much to do either.


AB: ohh - sorry go on...

RJ: ok - so u have this thing, very valuable, in large quantity, you are selling it every day, you have got good reserves too and u r getting rich day by day... u r getting so rich that u can get everything u want and some things u couldn't have ever imagined of...

AB: wait lemme think - what wud i want?? u mean i can get back my lost-love as well?? :0

RJ: abey - think big man think big. u cud get anything ranging from a ferrari to katrina!!
hey now that we are on the topic - tell me?? during this break off and all, did suicide occur to you as an option?

AB: not really - suicide and sacrifice is so old fashioned yaar - never heard of it since late 80's.
Even bollywood gave it up post Kamal hassan (ek duje ke liye) or maybe amir khan (qsqt)... never heard of it since then...
haan but i did consider murder for some time...

RJ: cool, what stopped you?

AB: that trend is also over now - the last sensible(??) person to kill on-screen for love was shahrukh (dar, anjaam)
never heard of that one either since early 90's, so eventually dropped it...

RJ: ok - i understand... :-P

AB: back to the scenario - since u said Katrina, i wanna hear more :-D

RJ: yeah! u r getting so rich that u can get everything u want and some things u couldn't have ever imagined of...
NOW here's the question - will u stop selling that thing or try to control what quantity u sell....or u will keep on increasing the quantity.....will u be conservative at this point???

AB: is that "thing" of yours getting scarce??

RJ: not quite - u know u can find more, u have sufficient...

AB: then i wont stop probably; but might start donation, charity and all; Bill-wa style ;-)

RJ: F**k u!!
think as an economist...
dont think from ur heart; there is HUGE demand for that thing. Let me put it this way -
will u want to be more rich at that moment or be sufficiently rich for a longer time period?? coz u dont know how much of that thing you have but for sure, you can find some more now...

AB: i shall keep selling...

I know all this sounds too odd/crazy. But knowing RJ, certainly something interesting is in store ahead. So i usually play along and become his bunny.

RJ: OK - another twist

AB: ??

RJ: others need it badly and they want u to sell more and more, they might even lure u by paying more.
in future might pressurize u too... now what will u do??

AB: is it legal?? or something like drugs/immoral??

RJ: it's legal; see consider this - u are stinkily rich currently, do u want to be more greedy or do u want to be conservative and let the other person get a bit angry?

AB: as of now my answer is - i will go for more money...

RJ: try this - u have 100 girls, all beautiful. now, will u want 150??

AB: NO - i'm not a greedy person, i'll manage with 100 girls only :-P. But, money and girls is different boss...

RJ: i know, i'm just telling you the lifestyle b'coz of that money.
all right - round 1 is over - now move ahead into the shoes of the other person...
one who's buying it, you need it desperately. Infact many like you need it. You are strong and you need it to be more strong. It's a vicious circle - the more you get the more you need it. If the supply reduces, you go mad. It's like drugs but not drugs.

AB: why dont u ask me the real question straightaway instead of this analogy??

RJ: naah - u answer me... i want to know what others think...

What the F**k?? I'm dead sure, this guy belongs to that species, which is more into foreplay than actual sex. I mean why beat around the bush, come to the point straight away. But no, he'll be the last one to do so and alas! i'll be the last one to give up on this chat :-(

AB: fine - go ahead..

RJ: how will you try to convince the first person to sell more? u are currently thinking that - does he have more or is he just not selling more?? bol na plz - just this one...

AB: Ok, if i'm really desperate; i'll try convincing him emotionally - how and why i need it.

RJ: he doesn't agree - then?

AB: then maybe i'll revolt against him (u said i'm also very strong rite??)

RJ: use of force??

AB: maybe..

RJ: ok - thanks.. i can make it more complicated but your day is just beginning - i dont want to be the cause of ur foul mood :-P

AB: and i dont want to be the cause of your death - so better go ahead :-D

RJ: ok - here i go..
uptil now we had 2 persons - 1. who owns that thing - very rich, 2. who needs that thing - very powerful and rich... and now i introduce the 3rd - one of many many more who use that thing - ordinary, simple, not powerful
just that u haven't been using it too much - not too addicted but surely you are fascinated. u know it'll make your life easy - also u r aware of whole issue between 1 and 2...
Will u be conservative, thinking that it's your moral responsibility to use less of that thing or will u instead say - others are using...i dont give a damn - now think it's you

AB: ok try this -
1. take a piece of cloth, dip it in cold water.
2. lie down, put the the wet cloth on your forehead and close your eyes.
3. if this doesn't help, try counting in reverse order from 100 to 1.
Mind you, all this while your eyes should be closed. The goal here is, to put you to sleep before your case goes
out of hands.

RJ: :-) bol na - take ur personality characteristics into consideration..

AB: well - i would go down on the usage, will try to control.

RJ: see - u r just one of those millions consuming, u have other worries apart from that?? ur family's life will be easy. maybe ur girlfriend likes something which needs "that thing" we are talking about. It's integral to ur life..

AB: still i wud try to go down on consumption. first myself and then bring down family's needs.

RJ: will u get jealous if ur friend has that thing for his girlfriend which needs the IMP thing we are talking about?

AB: NO! might try to make girlfriend see all the problems and convince her not to expect it.

RJ: Ok now here's the REAL question -
Will u buy a CAR in ur future??
Car is one of those things which will make ur GF happy...family happy!!

AB: ......

RJ: I'm talking about oil
Person 1 - Saudi Arabia
Person 2 - America
Person 3 - Ordinary man from India - YOU
So, tell me - will you buy a car, which runs on petrol??

Bull shit!! I should have seen it coming. This is what always happens. I eventually end up with my foot in my mouth. All this while i was telling him that I wont buy a car??? Naay-No-Never... Time to eat all my words.

AB: BURP!! (dhekar)

RJ: ???

AB: I just ate all my words, so my stomach is full :-)

RJ: :-) Means you'll buy it - rite?? dont worry it's normal, even i'll do the same.

AB: why this topic all of a sudden??

RJ: I read about Nano being launched. was wondering that India's dependency on oil will go very high. The car is indeed good but i'm skeptical about it's effect on India. Parking, roads, environment, oil etc etc
What's your take on nano??

AB: The name says it NA-NO :-)
I once had a dream - i'm at a signal in Pune, there is traffic all around. No one is moving an inch, no place to move at all, everyone is stuck. A JAM in real sense. I guess, NANO will make my dream come true :-)

RJ: Hope all your dreams (excluding this one) come true.

AB: AMEN!

RJ: AMEN!


Enough is enough - I cannot write anything further. Whoever reaches till here, please forgive me for having written this blog. Shall think twice before i write anything else ever again. PROMISE

You can go ahead and murder me in the comments section for this but please remember this might be your only chance to play GOD - after all, To err is Human but to forgive is Divine.